Friday, June 9, 2017

"The Sweetest Thing In All My Life Has Been The Longing..."

" reach the Mountain, to find the place where all the beauty came from — my country, the place where I ought to have been born. Do you think it all meant nothing, all the longing? The longing for home? For indeed it now feels not like going, but like going back.” 

The German term 'sehnsucht' translates to a "yearning," "pining," "longing," or "craving," and is a prominent theme found throughout C.S. Lewis' novel Till We Have Faces. Based on the Greek myth of Cupid and Psyche, the story follows the development of two sisters and the tension they face while following separate callings. In one of the most famous passages (quoted above), the younger sister, Psyche, explains her growing love for the God of the Mountain. According to Psyche, the closer she gets to this God, the more she feels an inexplicable desire for more of this closeness and more of the beauty she has found along with it. With her newfound love comes a type of yearning which she cannot wholly comprehend or describe. 

To me, sehnsucht describes what we, as human beings, feel in our most spiritual state. Sehnsucht describes a carnal need for that which is divine, beyond us, further than our comprehension. It is a longing so strong that we cannot fathom what exactly it is we yearn for, but it is too prominent to disregard. It is where our human capacity falters and where something far greater than us begins. 

Two years ago, I moved to lower Manhattan for school and obtained the incredible privilege of calling The City That Never Sleeps my home. Being in New York has deeply shaped both myself as a person and my understanding of the world and those within it. However, as can probably be expected, at times learning these lessons was not a total, glitz-infused dream. Although I do and have always loved this city, I regret having to admit that I spent months wondering why I was not making something more out of what I was given. In addition to this, my naturally heavy craving for an artistic outlet started to drive me a little (clinically) mental as I continued to keep it repressed. I spent numerous 2 AM hours writing drowsy thoughts and personal poetry that demanded to be let out. I once even bought a journal solely so I could print out images that were aesthetically pleasing to me and glue them all together as a very timid attempt at self-expression. 

This blog, in many ways, is something that I need and have needed for a long time. To quote Mary Shelley, "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy one, I will indulge the other." Too often, I feel that the passion within me will escape in an entirely wrong manner if I do not use it as I should. It demands to be expressed, and I no longer want to be a slave to what sometimes feels like too strong of a passion; I want to let it out. 

The concept of sehnsucht is what comes to mind when I think about this inexplicable need to create and convey. In many ways, I think it is in making art and in raw self-expression when one best reaches this divine feeling of longing for a deeper closeness with an unfathomable beauty. So whether it is my ever-wandering thoughts channeled into words, posts on my personal fashion and style, musings on my exceedingly unhealthy addiction to coffee, pictures of my favorite corners of the city, favorite song lyrics, my 2 AM ponderings, retellings of my adventures, notes on the people I find most inspiring, recreations of character lookbooks, or turning the fantasy world that constantly lives in the back of my head into a reality on screen, I am going to share it all here. 

I hope you enjoy this glimpse into what I love as I delve into this journey of creation and self-expression. Thank you for reading and be on the lookout for more soon! 

With love, Erin Nicole x

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